Happily Ever After

The title sound like the ending of a fairy tale , does it not? These are the promises made when we took the traditional wedding vows. When we got married we repeated those words , but do we truly commit to stay married till death do we part? Well , I liked fairy tales as a kid didn’t you? 

Let me confess that I have been married to the same “bushy-faced” man for thirty-one years and that counts for something. We have had many challenges in life , as we have grown up together and as we are now growing old together . It has not been all bad though. I asked my husband  , if he were contributing to an article with a title like this , what would he say? He laughed , rested his head in my lap and said ,”This is happily ever after.”

Thirty-one years are someone’s lifetime.We have survived the years of want , many different challenges , raising our son and burying his parents . We have survived the years of not having a home ,  having been put out of a rental apartment. We have survived me having triple strokes and a heart attack . We have survived all of that , but God has been good to us . So here we are joyfully celebrating this “happily ever after”.

Jean Ferris in her book titled  “Twice upon a Marigold” agrees with me : “And they lived happily (aside from a few normal disagreements, misunderstandings, pouts, silent treatments, and unexpected calamities) ever after.”
Jean Ferris, Twice Upon a Marigold

So let me encourage young couples , who do not believe they can bear a few rough spots in their marriages , do not give up. Young men love your wives. Young women respect your husbands. Care for each other , no matter how difficult it might seem . God  created this wonderful institution called marriage and he intended for it to be forever. Live your vows and enjoy your relationships , happily ever after.

 

Written by Karen Morgan

February 27, 2017

Plight of over 50 women who want to marry

What do you do when you meet someone you want to be married to but you or he is not eligible to marry? This piece examines the plight of single Adventist women over 50 who are seeking mates.

I have met dozens of single women in the Adventist church who are not happy with their status. Being a woman over fifty myself, I certainly understand how lonely it can become when your children are grown and have flown the coop, never mind that I  have been married for many years. Do you find yourself talking to the television and answering back? You might be one who pursued career before family and  having self-actualised in terms of  your status and positioning in life, your maternal or your nurturing instincts kick in and your realise that time is short.  It may even be too far gone for maternity, but you still want a companion or a lover.

So you start to look for a mate and find that it is rather more difficult than you anticipated. It becomes frighteningly obvious that most of the available men or you yourself are divorced. The stark reality suddenly bares its teeth- you cannot marry  him lest you face  the risk of committing, what I would like to call, “biblical” adultery.

Based upon what the Holy Bible teaches about adultery a person who is divorced cannot remarry.The dilemma of the older woman is that most of the single men in her age group are not really eligible, because of this teaching. This would so because it is very hard to find a man that age who has never been married. My dears friends what to do?

Christ himself, in answering his followers questioning about adultery, explains that while the Mosaic law was compromising in allowing  divorce to take place for various reasons, it was because of the hardness of heart of the people back then. But in his day,he says divorce is only allowed on a single basis- sexual immorality or in other words unfaithfulness- on the parts of either party. He even goes further, as to say that if a man commits adultery and then marries a woman, he forces her to be an adulterer, herself.

The other issue that the older woman has in the Church is that Adventists  should not marry outside of the Faith. This teaching is not to be taken lightly, because of the seriousness of the man’s role in a family. He is the head of the woman, as Christ is the head of the church. It means therefore, that he is the priest and the leader in  the home.If he is to do well in that role then he has to be a believer in the Word and he must be a firmly committed follower of Christ. so if a sister feels so constrained to look outside of the Church for a mate she is likely to be dis-fellowshipped.

There are situations where women (and men) have gone outside of the faith, found spouses and then come back into the faith. But this seems to me to be a rather dangerous and presumptuous practice. Where is the line drawn between obedience to God’s teachings for your own salvation and a husband? What happens when the romance is over and reality sets in?  Does he/she edge back out of the faith and lose his/her soul? This has occurred I am sure on many occasions. But it begs the question is marriage that important. What is is worth to gain the whole world and lose your soul?

Singleness is believed to be  a God-ordained. The Bible says that God has a special work for the single person to do . Whilst a married  woman is committed to her husband, a single woman is more committed to God, so she will be given special responsibilities to perform for the Lord. But is marriage that important, or is God’s work of greatest import?

This subject matter can be a very testy one. This debate around the subject of marriage led to a heated argument, among some single women around the  subject drawing emotional fire. Some of them were upset that they do want someone but have not met the right one  within the constraints of the Church. Some even complained about how unfair it appears to be in such a predicament. But is marriage that important, or is salvation worth much more?

The conclusion seems to be that you ought to be contented with your status;if you are married, stay married; if you are single stay single. Consider  singleness, as practice for the heavenly realm, in which  Christ declares that we will all be like the angels. There is no marriage in heaven, no sex, neither male nor female.

By: Karen V.Morgan

6/2/2017

PET PEEVES

As I laid there on top of the covers  getting a little hug with his arm covered up I got to thinking about some of his habits that irk me. Now don’t get me wrong, I love this guy. We have come a long way, baby. But he has some bad habits that I believe every woman gets disgusted about.

couple-in-bed-cuddled

I’m cold, but the fan/air conditioner  is on

I woke up this morning  and I just pulled up close to my honey for a little contact . No ulterior motives. I just wanted to cuddle. But here is the thing now. He was curled up under the covers with the fan blaring  on the highest speed and I was on top of the covers not feeling particularly cold. I was enjoying the coolness . So he said I should get under the covers cause he is cold.  Darn!

Seat Cover always uptoiletseat

Speak the truth ladies, don’t you hate it when he leaves the toilet lid up?  Picture this, it’s four in the morning you wake up to go, shuffle into the bathroom not even wishing to turn on the light, lest you disturb his slumber and deprive him of his precious rest and plop down on the toilet to pee. Ugh! Your fanny hits water! Geez man. The toilet seat is up!.

Toilet roll emptyempty-toilet-roll

So you reach for the toilet roll to try to alleviate the situation . But  all you feel is cardboard, the tissue is roll is empty. So now you do the next best thing. You take a wash. Thank God  I live in an older house that still has a bidet.

woman-drying-herself

Whose Towel is this

Now your butt is wet and you now have to turn on the light and  wait for the water to warm up so you can take a wash. Your sleep is disturbed by now and you are just vexed. Am I getting it so far?  Now  you wash off and reach for your favorite towel to dry off and low and behold it is all damp.  Why? He never uses his own towel. He always uses mine. Come on! I do not know about you but I like my own towel. I hate it when anyone, and I mean anyone uses my towel.

I know I am not alone in these particular peeves, and there are others, yet I am not sharing anything else today. Perhaps you can add your pet peeve to keep this discussion lively.

 

 

1/25/2017 7:59 AM  Karen VMorgan

Dealing with loss of the young loved ones

I am inspired to write this blog to help someone to cope with the difficulties of  dealing with the death of a newly found friend. I hope that anyone who is experiencing  grief or loss will find some solace in this piece.

“I am not in a good place right now. Will you call me please?”  This message was “What-apped” to his mother,on Tuesday evening. His profile picture was very telling,it presented with his hand covering his eyes and quite uncharacteristically,he was wearing black . She dropped what she was doing and called him right away. “Mommy ,” he said,”my  friend has passed,he just died in his sleep. Mommy, I was with him on Friday and we were goofing  around and running jokes. But he did say he was tired, because it was so hard walking to and from work in the snow.”  Both of these guys are from tropical countries and they do not ever get snow. Did he die from exhaustion or was it a heart attack? That was not determined.

New friend’s funeral

The country, where they are currently living and working do not ship dead bodies.Hence the deceased young man had to be churched and cremated there. It was not anything he had ever seen before.  This is how it went:the undertakers brought the body to the temple in a box (just a  wooden box) without any handles for the pall-bearers to hold;there were no assistants with the undertaker, he drove the hearse and delivered the box to the temple.So the friends, who attended the ceremony had to lift up this one hundred and eighty pound body,somehow, and lay it in state. After placing the box in the temple,they then had to remove the body from the box, wrap it in white sheets and then cover it with flowers. “It broke my heart to have to  cover his face,” he later shared. Poor boy! Do understand, that there were three of them as friends of the deceased in attendance,and they had to do all of these things, themselves? But that was not all.

When the rituals were completed, the friends had to go to the crematory and watch the process of cremation from start to finish. But that is not  even the whole story, the worst part was that the long bones and the hipbones were not completely burnt,,so they had to pick them up and package them along with the  ashes.This was an indignity to all concerned. The pain of the loss and the undignified way in which the processing of the remains of his friend only  redoubled their grief. His parents  had to endure the entire charade by Skype.

Loss to suicide

If you knew this youngster  you would know that funerals are not ,and I mean not his favourite place to be at any point in time. He shows up only if it is a close family member or really close friend. May I just tell you that he lost a few friends in their teens? If I remember rightly, they were in first year at college and one boy hung himself. The funeral for this kid was so unbearably sad. I remember when everything ended at the burial site a bunch of them just stood by the grave  and they wept. Some of us as parents stood by and we all just hugged those boys and wept with them. Even writing about it now brings tears to my eyes.This kid was his mothers only child!

Loss to car accident

There was another untimely death that really hurt him .  This time, this young man’car crashed into a wall and somehow his brain dislocated.  He was in a coma for  a couple weeks, well, he never recovered. This  boy died and left a little sister and  wow , his mother and his friends were devastated.

Victims of Crime or Terrorism

This young man has experienced the death of yet another close friend to murder. This time there were two of them a boy and a girl,killed. These guys were his school-mates. They were involved in an accident and  in their attempts to do right by the victim,who was injured met their untimely death.

 

A parent should never bury his/her child

Often in cases of untimely death of children I have heard the grieving parent lament with great agony, that a parent should never have to bury their child. I concur. Today I listened to a sermon given by my friend who lost her oldest child, by natural causes. It hurts  the most probably  because of the choices he made. You see he was asthmatic, but he was also a smoker. Her grief is still very very raw and she gave this sermon on the anniversary of his passing. She spoke about how she has  been able to cope with the loving support of her closest friends and counsellors. But she also mentioned how other people made it harder for her because they would make ugly remarks and somehow appear to blame her for not doing enough to help him. I have cried with her so many times. I just lose my ability to find words to say, nothing from my lips to her ears to help  her to cope with her loss.

Grieving is a process

I have lost many of my dear friends and relatives too. Some have been ill and died at a young age. Others have had surgery and never woke up. Those I have been able to get over quickly enough. I have learned to cherish their memories and the loss ,by accepting that death is a part of life’s complex process.The Bible tells us that death is an inevitable appointment for man.

But the one that I have not been able to let go, not ever ever stopped grieving was a brutal rape and murder of my “bestie”. She was my friend and confidant. I remember vividly the last time I saw her,so many years ago now, I was going out on a date and I changed  clothes at her home that evening. When I was about to leave, she kissed my forehead and that’s something she had never done before. . Days later, I heard she went missing and that was it. I am crying now even as I write this.

I did a bit of research and  am drawing some inferences from grief counselling I have received during my life’s journey in giving grieving individuals some tips on managing your grief. The psychologists believe ,that if you understand what you are feeling or experiencing,  that is the first step towards coping with your grief. There are different stages that one goes through during the grieving process.

Here are a few tips to help you understand the grieving process.”Understand the Process of Grieving, that I found on the  medical website webmd.com

“Doctors have identified five common stages of grief:

  • Denial: When you first learn of a loss, it’s normal to think, “This isn’t happening.” You may feel shocked or numb. This is a temporary way to deal with the rush of overwhelming emotion. It’s a defense mechanism.
  • Anger: As reality sets in, you’re faced with the pain of your loss. You may feel frustrated and helpless. These feelings later turn into anger. You might direct it toward other people, a higher power, or life in general. To be angry with a loved one who died and left you alone is natural, too.
  • Bargaining: During this stage, you dwell on what you could’ve done to prevent the loss. Common thoughts are “If only…” and “What if…” You may also try to strike a deal with a higher power.
  • Depression: Sadness sets in as you begin to understand the loss and its effect on your life. Signs of depression include crying, sleep issues, and a decreased appetite. You may feel overwhelmed, regretful, and lonely.
  • Acceptance: In this final stage of grief, you accept the reality of your loss. It can’t be changed. Although you still feel sad, you’re able to start moving forward with your life. ” (reference: http://www.webmd.com)

Prayer and meditation

I am a Christian and I believe that prayer ing does help in coping with loss. The Bible tells us  we do not have such a High Priest that is not touched by our sorrow. For he has been through all of it, just like we do. He knows how we feel and he sympathises with us. Therefore, we have that friend in Jesus who will bear our sorrows and or grief.So when you are down and feel lonely or discouraged or when our hearts feel like we just cannot take anymore, then ask him to help us cope. He hears and he answers our prayers.

Conclusion

Death is inevitable and we cannot choose (except in the case of suicide) how we die. Those who are left behind have to find ways to cope with the pain and loss. We will experience immense grief after death especially when the life lost is that of youthful persons and ones near and dear to us.  Grieve if you must but never lose faith.